Battle of the Sexes
Season 1, Episode 3
Air date October 22, 2011
Written by JamesonOTP
Episode Guide
The Definitive Editions: Proud
The Definitive Editions: Two of Hearts
Battle of the Sexes is the third episode of JamesonOTP's ongoing fan fiction, Glee: The Next Generation. The episode was originally released on October , 2011. The Definitive Edition was released later on January 23, 2012. It doesn't differ too much from the original, but has been re-released with a new special cover image.


If you don't wanna spoil the differences, you can skip over this. However, if you're not sure if you wanna re-read it without knowing how much was changed or added, you can go ahead and read over it.

  • All songs have been expanded from the miniscule versions originally used to longer, more complete versions.
  • The rehearsal scenes have been expanded.
  • There is additional dialog in the audition scenes.
  • Characters slated to appear during the Battle of the Sexes scene but were cut, have been restored, thus lengthening the scene.
  • A Glee-Cap has been added.
  • A few errors have been fixed.

The Definitive Edition: Battle of the SexesEdit

So here’s what you missed on Glee: The Next Generation:

Auditions for Glee Club are underway and Will has managed to recruit 10 members so far, but that still isn’t quite enough. Jaxon has a crush on new student James, but he seems to barely notice he exists. Bella tried to convince her best friend Hallie to join New Directions, but after being chased out of her private Catholic school, she’s afraid of what others will think when they learn her secret. Miles and the rest of Glee Club grappled with insecurities, but Will gave them a reason to feel proud.

And that’s what you missed on Glee!


It has been a busy week for me and my Glee Club. Monday, auditions. Tuesday, an assembly and auditions. Wednesday, auditions. Today, auditions. Throw in Glee Club meetings and practices…I had a feeling we could all use a little change of pace. So, I decided to make today the last day of auditions. We only needed three more members to make our thirteen for competitions. At the rate kids had been turning out, we were sure to have them by the end of today.

Last week’s lesson was hard on the kids, I know. It had to be emotionally tiring for them. They needed something uplifting and fun this time. And then it me. My old Glee kids loved our sing-offs. Boys vs. Girls, Diva-Offs, Duets Competitions… they ate them up like super sugary candy.

But maybe this time I needed to take it to a whole new level. I could host like a Battle of the Bands Monday night. Of course, I would have to talk to Figgins.

“You want to host your Glee Club Battle of the Sexes in the auditorium Monday night?” Figgins asked.

“Yes, sir.”

“I’ll make a deal with you, William. You’ll have to pay the rental fee up front.”

“But sir, April kind of donated the auditorium to us.”

“Yes, William, for school use. That means during school hours. After school hours, you have to pay to rent it just like everyone else.”

“Fine. How much?”

“Forty-five dollars.”

“And then I can use it Monday night?”

“Not just yet, William. You will be responsible for cleaning up after the people yourself. I refuse to pay Mr. Kenny, the janitor, the extra amount it would take to bring him in on his off time.”

“Okay, Figgins. You got it. You drive a hard bargain, but…I’ll do it.”

Will shook Figgin’s hand, making the deal official.

Okay, the Battle of the Sexes is on. First thing I need to do is buy a roll of tickets. If we charge $2 a ticket, we can use that money to help get us to Nationals this year. Then I need to get some refreshments to sell as well. And I’ll get some of the students in art class to help design posters to promote it and I can send flyers home to the parents. It was going to be so awesome.

At lunch, I could barely think straight. All I could focus on was the Battle of the Sexes.

“Will?” Emma asked. “Is something the matter?”

“No, Emma. Why do you ask?”

“Well, you just dunked your cheesestick in ketchup and your fries in marinara sauce.”

“I did? Funny, I didn’t notice. Did you know Breadsticks delivers? Perfect food for celebration,” Will said.

“And what are we celebrating?” Emma asked.

“According to the sign-up sheet for Glee Club auditions, by the end of the day I will have all thirteen needed members in order to compete this year.”

“I thought it was twelve,” Emma said.

“It was. They changed it last year. So many students were being turned away by their school’s Glee Clubs because they already had twelve members, so it was increased to thirteen to give more students a chance.”

“Thirteen seems like such an unlucky number,” Emma said.

“Not really, we’ve had thirteen members plenty of times.”

“Yes, and let’s review,” Emma said. “Jesse St. James, the first thirteenth member ended up betraying us and nearly derailing New Directions completely. As a repercussion, the Glee Club was sent spiraling into such a funk, they never recovered and lost Regionals.”

“Fair enough,” Emma.

“Then after Kurt returned to McKinley and Lauren stayed onboard, you lost miserably at Nationals due to ‘the kiss heard around the world’ if you remember correctly.”

“Okay, Emma. Point taken. But things are gonna be different this year. I’m starting things off with one of my infamous sing-offs. The Battle of the Sexes. Boys versus girls Monday at 7pm in the auditorium.”

“You do remember last time we did that, right? The kids got all doped up on vitamin D.”

“Give these kids the benefit of a doubt. I seriously don’t think we’ll have to deal with that this year.”

“I’m so proud of you, Will. You really have faith in these kids. And your ideas, while sometimes suggestive of the likelihood of repeating past mistakes, are really brilliant.”

“Thanks, Emma.”

“Um. Will. You’re doing it again.”

“Doing what?”

“Cheesestick in the ketchup.”

Will looked down at his cheesestick and turned his nose up at it. He calmly set it aside and smiled gracefully.


The auditorium was pretty empty today. Rachel and Blaine had showed up to support me. Rachel’s main reason being that she would be returning to New York Tuesday and wanted to spend as much time at McKinley and near Glee Club as possible. Blaine was mainly here just to have something to do. Kurt was being held over at costume approval for Wicked, and being the nervous wreck he always was, insisted Blaine not be there to distract him. Given the choice of the garage with Burt and auditions with Rachel, here Blaine was. Not that I minded. I loved seeing my old students and spending time with them, especially my Glee kids.

Jaxon, Kevin, and Miles were busy helping Coach Beiste get ready for the first football game of the year. They had a lot of work to do, so none of them were here today. Nicole had an emergency Brainiacs Club meeting to help find someone to replace one of their team members, who had come down with a bad stomach virus.

Honey, Bella, Lucas, Evan, Rose, Breezy, and Emma were the only ones who were able to show up. But, as long as I had Emma by my side, I had all the support I needed.

“James Holland?” Will called.

A very fashionable young man walked up on the stage. He had dirty blonde hair and wore a pair of expensive white designer shades.

“I’m James Christopher Holland and I’ll be singing ‘Fireflies’ by Owl City.”

“I love that band,” Emma said with a smile.

“Actually, it’s just one guy,” James said.

“Oh,” Emma replied. “Well, don’t I feel silly? Anyway, continue.”

James walked over and pressed a button on the boom box. Synthesized music began to play.

“You would not believe your eyes if ten million fireflies lit up the world as I fell asleep. 'Cause they'd fill the open air and leave teardrops everywhere. You'd think me rude, but I would just stand and stare. I'd like to make myself believe that planet Earth turns slowly. It's hard to say that I'd rather stay awake when I'm asleep. 'Cause everything is never as it seems. 'Cause I'd get a thousand hugs from ten thousand lightning bugs as they tried to teach me how to dance. A foxtrot above my head. A sock hop beneath my bed. A disco ball is just hanging by a thread. I'd like to make myself believe that planet Earth turns slowly. It's hard to say that I'd rather stay awake when I'm asleep. 'Cause everything is never as it seems when I fall asleep.”

Will looked over at Emma, who was dancing in her seat, singing along.

“Leave my door open just a crack. Please take me away from here. 'Cause I feel like such an insomniac. Please take me away from here. Why do I tire of counting sheep? Please take me away from here. When I'm far too tired to fall asleep to ten million fireflies. I'm weird 'cause I hate goodbyes. I got misty eyes as they said farewell. But I'll know where several are if my dreams get real bizarre. 'Cause I saved a few and I keep them in a jar. I'd like to make myself believe that planet Earth turns slowly. It's hard to say that I'd rather stay awake when I'm asleep. ‘Cause everything is never as it seems when I fall asleep.”

“Great job, James,” Will said. “You’re the newest addition to New Directions.”

My name is Hallie and yesterday, I finally decided to take Bella’s advice. I talked to Mr. Schuester about joining Glee Club. He asked me to come today to auditions, but I’m so scared. I haven’t sung since before Eva and Ethan were born. I just haven’t had it in me to sing. But Bella promised me that being a part of Glee Club could help fill the void I’ve felt for so long.

Now, as I stood behind the curtain, I was scared. More scared than I have ever been in my life. I hadn’t told Mr. Schuester about my children. I hadn’t told anyone except Bella. She was the only one who knew exactly what I was going through. I trusted her with my life.

“Hallie Grace,” Will called from beyond the curtain.

I swallowed the growing lump in my throat and stepped through the curtain. I looked out into the crowd and saw Bella smiling at me. She gave me a thumbs up and I smiled back. Finally, I was able to find the courage to sing.

Hallie grabbed the microphone and took a deep breath.

“Did you forget that I was even alive? Did you forget everything we ever had? Did you forget, did you forget, about me? Did you regret ever standing by my side? Did you forget we were feeling inside? Now I'm left to forget about us, but somewhere we went wrong. We were once so strong. Our love is like a song, you can't forget it. So now I guess this is where we have to stand. Did you regret ever holding my hand? Never again, please don't forget, don't forget. We had it all, we were just about to fall even more in love, than we were before. I won't forget, I won't forget, about us.”

Emma looked over at Will. “The pain seems so real, Will.”

“But somewhere we went wrong. We were once so strong. Our love is like a song, you can't forget it all. Somewhere we went wrong. We were once so strong. Our love is like a song, you can't forget it at all. And at last all the pictures have been burned. And all the past is just a lesson that we've learned. I won't forget, please don’t forget us. Somewhere we went wrong. Our love is like a song but you won't sing along. You've forgotten about us. Don’t forget.”

Will was stunned. “Hallie…I’m speechless. I’ve never felt so much pain and emotion before. You really managed to capture the emotion. I was nearly moved to tears.”

“I know about pain, Mr. Schue,” Hallie said.

“Channel that pain into your upcoming performances. You’re in.”

“Thank you.”

Will nodded silently as Hallie walked offstage and joined Bella, who took her into her arms for a congratulatory hug.

“Okay,” Will said. “The last audition. John Weiner?”

John walked through the doors of the auditorium. “Sorry, Mr. Shue. I just barely got excused from football practice.”

“The floor is all yours, John,” Will said.

“I’ll be singing ‘The Reason’ by Hoobastank.”

“Okay, let’s hear it.”

“I'm not a perfect person. There's many things I wish I didn't do. But I continue learning. I never meant to do those things to you. And so I have to say before I go that I just want you to know. I've found a reason for me to change who I used to be. A reason to start over new and the reason is you. I'm sorry that I hurt you. It's something I must live with every day. And all the pain I put you through. I wish that I could take it all away and be the one who catches all your tears. That's why I need you to hear. I've found a reason to show a side of me you didn't know. A reason for all that I do. And the reason is you.”

“He’s pretty good,” Will said. “But he seems very distant.”

Emma nodded.

“And the reason is you. And the reason is you. And the reason is you. I'm not a perfect person. I never meant to do those things to you. And so I have to say before I go that I just want you to know. I've found a reason for me to change who I used to be. A reason to start over new and the reason is you. I've found a reason to show a side of me you didn't know. A reason for all that I do and the reason is you.”

That song was more literal than perhaps any of them knew. I was about to show a whole different side of myself thanks to Glee Club. We all have our reasons for joining Glee Club. I thought it would be the perfect venue for my love of Broadway. I know what you’re thinking. I’m not gay. I just love Broadway and I love singing. It’s always been my dream to star on Broadway. My ideal role? Link Larkin in Hairspray. When I saw New Directions perform “The Nicest Kids in Town” at that school assembly, I knew this was something I wanted to be a part of.

“Good job, John. You’re in.”

“Sorry Mr, Schue, but I have to get back. Coach Beiste and the guys are waiting for me.”

“You’re excused, John. But give yourself a big pat on the back…all of you. You all did good and now we have all thirteen members we need to compete at Invitationals in two weeks. We’re gonna have to work hard, guys. This isn’t gonna be a cakewalk. I have a big announcement for you all tomorrow so make sure you come to the choir room. Got it?”

“What do you know about Hallie Grace?” Will asked Emma as he set the table for supper.

“Not that much. She’s relatively new here at McKinley. Transferred from a nearby all girls’ school. Rumor had it that she was kicked out,” Emma said.

“Do you know why?”

“I don’t know if there is any truth to it, Will. You know how rumors are. But, apparently she was kicked out because she had a baby at age fifteen.”

“I’ve never seen her with a kid or heard anything about her having one.”

“Like I said, Will, you know how rumors are. Eighty percent are false, five percent are true, and fifteen percent are exaggerated. Kids spread rumors. There could be absolutely no truth to it.”

“I just was wondering. I talked to her the day before yesterday after school. She seemed to be hiding something and she was kind of reserved and distant.”

“You want me to see if I can maybe get her to talk to me?”

“Would you, Emma? She seems like she really needs some help right now figuring her life out. You know, she reminds me of someone I used to teach.”


“You see it, too?” Will asked.

Emma nodded. “She’s got that same lost little girl look in her eyes.”

“Then maybe we’re exactly what she needs right now.”


This was the first time that the choir room was full this year and the sound of the kids laughing and cutting up was a little louder than I remembered.

“Alright, quiet down guys. It’s time for my important announcement. New Directions is hosting a Battle of the Sexes Monday night at seven o’clock. You’re going to split up into two teams, boys and girls. You will then select a song to perform. Once you’ve picked a song, you need to appoint a team leader. It’s their job to make sure everything goes off without a hitch. Then, you need someone to work on designing your costumes. You’ll need a hair and make-up person and also a choreographer. Next, you’ll need a stage director to work on setting up the stage, lighting, and any props you may have. You will have from now until Monday at seven to work on your performance. Also, we are lucky enough to have some New Directions alum nearby and at our disposal. Use them because they have the experience to really transform your performances into something spectacular. All the proceeds from the Battle of the Sexes will be used to help get us to Nationals.”

“What are the rules?” Nicole asked.

“No performance enhancers. This includes but is not limited to steroids, energy drinks, energy shots, energy pills, energy chews, and alcohol. And due to a past mishap, this also includes ‘natural’ energy boosters such as vitamin D. Also, nothing too sexy. All songs must be given approval by me, Emma, Coach Beiste, and Mr. Figgins. I don’t wanna see another sex riot.”

“Sex riot?” Kevin asked.

“Two years in a row, New Directions performed at an assembly and it ended in a near sex riot,” Honey said.

“Well there goes my idea for the girls to perform Katy Perry’s ‘Peacock.’ Such a missed opportunity,” Lucas said.

“Absolutely not,” Will said. “But most importantly, I want the songs to represent you as performers and people.”

“We got it, Mr. Schue,” Evan said.

“What does the winner get?” James asked.

“The winning group gets to pick a song to sing at Invitationals and they will perform that song. The other number will be a group song, performed by the entire Glee Club. We’ll choose it closer to time.”

The Glee Club erupted with cheers.

“Awesome,” Bella said.

“Okay. Split up into two teams. Boys on the right side and boys on the left. And Jaxon, that means you’re with the boys.”

“I know, Mr. Schue. I’m standing right here with them.”

“Oh, sorry,” Will said. “Force of habit.”

“I nominate Jaxon for team leader,” Miles said. “He knows his stuff and he’s dedicated.”

“I second it,” John said.

“All in favor?” Miles asked.

All of the boys raised their hands. Jaxon smiled.

“Really?” He asked, in disbelief.

Miles patted him on the back. “Okay, Jaxon. Lead us to victory.”

“Okay,” Jaxon said. “I think James should do costumes. He’s got the best style. And Kevin should be the stage director. He’s seen his aunt April’s shows enough to have some great ideas. Hair and make-up should be Evan. He’s got great hair. As for choreography, I think maybe Lucas.”

“Face it,” Miles said. “Lucas may be a good dancer but none one but him and Jaxon are really strong dancers.”

“I can help us out,” Jaxon said. “My cousin is Brittany Pierce. She has some killer moves.”

“Call her!” James insisted.

“Okay, okay,” Jaxon said, pulling out his cell phone. “Excuse me a minute.”


Honey smiled from ear to ear. “I’m so honored, you guys. It’s only fitting that you would name me team leader. I’m so happy!”

“I think Bella should do costumes. Face it, her style is all F’s. Fine, fierce, ferocious, and funky fresh,” Hallie said.

“Agreed,” said Honey. “And Breezy should do hair and make-up. Nicole should be our stage director. She’s the smartest. And Rose should definitely do our choreography.”

“You know the guys are gonna recruit Brittany Pierce to help them with their dancing and choreography,” Rose said.

“Dancing is cool, but it can’t compete against singing. That’s how we’ll beat them.”

“What do you have in mind?” Breezy asked.

“I’ll recruit the best singer New Directions ever had. My sister, Rachel. We blow their flashy dancing out of the water with some good, old fashioned singing.”

“I like your way of thinking, Miss Berry,” Breezy replied.


“Good news, guys. Brittany agreed to help us with our dancing. She’ll be over after school,” Jaxon said, returning to his group.

“We’ve got a great idea for a number,” Miles said. “New Radical’s ‘You Get What You Give.’ Sound good?”

“Great idea,” Jaxon said. “I love that song. We could dance on benches like they did in the video.”

“Me and Brittany could choreograph an entire dance routine on benches, sort of like the dance routine in OK Go’s ‘Here It Goes Again’ music video,” Lucas said.

“I love that idea,” Jaxon said. “Guys, we’ve got this in the bag.”

“Bulletproof,” Hallie said. “It’s the perfect song for us.”

Honey nodded. “Those guys aren’t gonna beat us. We’re invincible.”

Bella turned to Breezy. ‘Think you could pull off the La Roux hair and make-up from that video?”

“In my sleep,” Breezy replied with a smile.

“And Bella, we’re gonna need some fierce outfits,” Honey added. “Remember, lots of bold colors and patterns. Mix and match. La Roux’s fashion is fearless and fierce. And we need some eighties inspired accessories.”

Bella nodded. “I got those at home.”

Honey smiled. “Game on, ladies.”


Later than afternoon, the ladies met up in the auditorium to practice their performance. Rachel stood off to the side, watching.

Burning bridges shore to shore, I break away from something more,” Breezy sang.

“No, no, no, guys! Rachel said. “Breezy, you need to go higher. And Honey, you’re too high on your harmonies. You’re not meeting in the middle and it sounds disconnected like there’s two different songs going on at once.”

“We’re trying,” Honey whined.

“You have four days, give or take, to get this down. You guys wanna win, right?” Rachel asked.

“Of course we do,” Rose insisted.

“You guys need a lesson or two in theatricality. Luckily, I have the master waiting in the wings. Kurt?”

Kurt walked out from behind the curtains. “Ladies, we have a lot of work to do. You’re sloppy and dare I say, plain? You’re lacking all the heart and soul of La Roux’s version.”

Honey sighed out loud. “We are we doing wrong?”

“In the video, La Roux has a fierce, unflinching indifference about her,” Kurt said. “Her eyes and her voice says everything that the words do not. You guys don’t have that going on. You’re all sunshine and rainbows. Channel all the pain and anger you’ve ever felt. Then let your eyes express it. Keep your body stiff and indifferent.”

“Remember, ladies,” Rachel said. “Sing it with attitude. Tenacity. From the top.”

Burning bridges shore to shore, I break away from something more,” Breezy sang, singing higher as she was instructed.

Rachel smiled. “You got it, Breezy.”

“Remember the attitude,” Kurt said.


Meanwhile, in the choir room, Jaxon jumped from one bench to another and missed, landing flat on his back. He grunted loudly.

“Are you alright?” Miles asked, rushing to Jaxon’s aid.

“I’m fine, Miles,” Jaxon said, standing up slowly. “I got a little scared and second guessed my jump.”

Jaxon dusted himself off.

“Guys, it’s not really hard,” Brittany said.

“Easy for you to say,” Evan said. “You’re the Wonder Woman of dance. I can’t even do that one move thing.”

“A widow maker,” Brittany said. “I don’t even have any idea why they call it that. It has nothing to do with a spider.”

Evan shook his head in disbelief. “You are so st--”

Jaxon quickly reached up and covered Evan’s mouth before he could finish his sentence.

“I’m sure you guys can get this down. You’re doing great. If Jaxon didn’t second guess his jumps and Evan could get down the widow maker, we’d have the dance routine down pat,” Brittany said.

“But it’s still not that good,” James said.

“It’s because you’re lacking charisma,” Blaine said as he stood up from the seats. “You’re all so focused on nailing the dancing that you’re not really giving much to the audience and you’re coming off as cold.”

“What’s charisma?” Kevin asked.

“It means likeability. Charm. Something about you that draws people in and makes people wanna root for you. When I was with the Warblers, we got as far as we not just on our talent, but also our charisma. We were charming. That’s what you guys need. Pump up the volume on your charm.”

Brittany looked down at her bracelet. “Blaine, my charm bracelet doesn’t have a volume. Actually, I don’t think it even does anything at all.”

Blaine buried his head in his face. “This is gonna be a very long four days.”

“Let’s just run through it again,” Jaxon said.

Brittany nodded. “Places. We’ll run through it one more time and let’s try to get it right this time.”

The music started again and Jaxon tried his jump one more time. This time, he landed it. He smiled as he managed to make it through rehearsals without messing up.

“Those girls are going down,” Lucas said.


Jaxon watched James as he put his designer sunglasses back on.

I am head over heels for James and he barely notices I exist. I’ve tried everything I can to make him notice me and what? It’s like I’m not even there.

James started toward the door. Jaxon stood there for a second contemplating, then finally decided to follow.

“If I could write you a song to make you fall in love,” Jaxon sang as he followed James out the choir room door. “I would already have you up under my arm. I used up all of my tricks, I hope that you like this but you probably won't. You think you're cooler than me.”

James stopped at his locker and began to enter his combination. Jaxon stood back, watching him from afar.

“You got designer shades just to hide your face and you wear 'em around like you're cooler than me. And you never say ‘hey’ or remember my name and it's probably 'cause you think you're cooler than me.”

James closed his locker and started down the hall. Jaxon followed behind at a safe distance.

“You got your high brow shoes on your feet and you wear 'em around like it ain’t shh! But you don't know, the way that you look when your steps make that much noise. Shh, see I got you all figured out. You need everyone's eyes just to feel seen. Behind your make up, nobody knows who you even are. Who do you think that you are--”


Jaxon didn’t even see it coming as Azimio let loose with a purple slushie right into his face. James turned around and upon seeing what Azimio had done, started toward them.

“The first slushie of the next generation of you Glee Club losers and it has your name all over it!” Azimio said with a laugh.

“Oh come on!” Jaxon exclaimed. “Just how many years can you flunk, Azimio?”

“Leave him alone, Azimio,” James said.

Azimio laughed as he walked away. James looked at Jaxon.

“That looks like it hurts a little.”

“Yeah, it does hurt,” Jaxon said.

“Let’s get you to a bathroom,” James said, taking Jaxon’s hand and leading him across the hall to the nearest boy’s room.

James wet a couple of paper towels and began to wipe Jaxon’s face off. Jaxon was obviously embarrassed.

“Azimio’s slushies are legendary,” James said. “Not that you’d ever really want to get one.”

“I have never been so embarrassed in my life,” Jaxon said.

“Come on, it’s not that bad,” James said.

James threw away the wet paper towels and grabbed a couple of dry ones and began to dry Jaxon’s face.

“You’re not the one who got slushied and is having to have himself cleaned up by a really cute…by another guy,” Jaxon said, hoping James hadn’t noticed.

“You think I’m cute?” James asked.

“Maybe,” Jaxon said, trying to play it cool.

“Put your head in the sink,” James said.

Jaxon leaned forward into the sink and James began to run water over his hair. Jaxon watched, mesmerized as a swirl of purple got sucked down the drain.

“Okay, lean back.”

Jaxon leaned back. James took off the button up shirt he was wearing over his t-shirt and began to dry Jaxon’s hair with it.

“You’re gonna mess up your shirt,” Jaxon said.

“Nah, I got all the slush out. It’s just water. Besides, it doesn’t matter.”

“I feel so bad, James.”

“There is nothing to feel bad about. Can I walk you to your car?”

“Actually, sure. I’d like that,” Jaxon said.


Miles smiled warmly as he appeared at Bella’s side as she walked to the bus.

“Hello, Bella.”

“Hey, Miles. How’s it going?”

“I was wondering if maybe instead of taking the cheese wagon, maybe I could drive you home.”

“Miles Larson, are you trying to weasel some performance secrets out of me?” Bella joked.

“No. No business here. I’m just a guy trying to be nice enough to offer his friend a ride home. Besides, with you on their side, the girls are gonna win.”

“Miles, I’m not naïve. I know you have an ulterior motive. All guys do. If you think I’m gonna put out--”

“No! Don’t even think that. I’m not at all like that, Bella. I just really like you and I want to get to know you better. But I’m not even the type of person to even consider than unless I know it’s the right thing to do.”

“Good, because I have a friend who paid the ultimate price because a guy had ulterior motives and she had to give up her entire life. I’m not gonna let that happen to me too. So as long as this is strictly two people getting to know one another and not an attempt to get in my pants, then you have a date.”

Miles smiled. “Then it’s a date.”


Tonight was the big night that my kids were gonna take the stage for the Battle of the Sexes. They had been working all weekend on their performance. I walked into the auditorium and took my seat next to Emma..

“Are you excited?” Emma asked.

“So excited. I know they’re gonna do great,” Will answered.

“I’m looking forward to this, William,” Mr. Figgins said as he took a seat behind Emma and Will.

Beiste walked in and took a seat beside Emma. “I made it.”

“So glad you could be here,” Emma replied.

“Well, this is gonna be another disaster,” Sue said as she took her seat beside Figgins.

“I just had a pep talk with the girls,” Rachel said, taking a seat next to Will. “They won the coin toss and they’ll be going first. I told them to give it their and do their best.”

“Wow, this is doing better than I thought,” Will said as he looked around at how many people were sitting down.

Kurt and Blaine walked in and took a seat behind Emma and Beiste.

“Fantastic turn out,” Kurt said.

“I’ll be right back,” Will said. “I have to go introduce the girls. Wish us luck.”

Will smiled from ear to ear as he walked up onto the stage. He looked around at the packed auditorium.

“This is gonna be great,” Blaine said.

“Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to the first ever McKinley High ‘Battle of the Sexes!’ My Glee Club has worked hard to bring this to you tonight and I hope you thoroughly enjoy it. Remember, after both the boys and girls have performed, my friends Rachel, Kurt, Blaine, Emma, and Brittany will begin passing out ballots for you to vote on. After you all have voted, we’ll collect the ballots and announce the results tomorrow during school. So, let’s have a big round of applause for the ladies of New Directions!”

The auditorium burst into applause and the music began to play. The spotlight went to the upper seating and focused on Breezy. She wore a replica of the multicolored square covered jacket that La rRoux wore in the video, a pair of metallic neon blue tights, and combat boots. Her make-up was done to look just like La Roux’s with blue eye shadow and light pink lips.

“Been there, done that messed around, I'm having fun, don't put me down. I'll never let you sweep me off my feet,” she sang as she walked down the staircase, a fierce and determined look in her eyes.

The spotlight went up to the other side of the balcony and focused on Bella. She was dressed just like Breezy, but with shiny black tights, charcoal eye shadow, and black lipstick.

“I won't let you in again, the messages I tried to send. My information's just not going in,” Bella sang as she walked down the left staircase.

The spotlight went to the lower left aisle and came to focus on Honey, who dressed like the other girls, her tights metallic neon pink. Her eye shadow was pink and her lips a light red.

“Burning bridges shore to shore, I break away from something more. I'm not turned on to love until it's cheap,” Honey sang as she walked to the stage.

The spotlight sung right and focused on Rose. Her tights were metallic lime green and her eye shadow matched. Her lips were orange.

“Been there, done that messed around, I'm having fun, don't put me down. I'll never let you sweep me off my feet,” she sang as she marched to the stage.

Breezy, Honey, Bella, and Rose took center stage as they were joined by Hallie and Nicole. Hallie’s tights were metallic bright purple, which matched her eye shadow. Her lips were a dark pink. Nicole wore metallic neon yellow tights, with yellow eye shadow and red lips.

They began to dance, their choreography consisting of them striking stiff, robotic poses.

“This time, baby, I'll be bulletproof,” they all sang as they danced along. “This time, baby, I'll be bulletproof.”

Nicole walked to the front of the girls. “I won't let you turn around and tell me now, I'm much too proud. To walk away from something when it's dead.”

Hallie then took her place in front. “Do, do, do your dirty words come out to play when you are hurt? There's certain things that should be left unsaid.”

The girls then divided into three groups. Bella, Nicole, and Honey in one group and Hallie, Rose, and Breezy in the other.

“Tick, tick, tick, tick on the watch,” Bella, Nicole, and Honey sang. “And life's too short for me to stop. Oh baby, your time is running out.”

“I won't let you turn around and tell me now I'm much too proud. All you do is fill me up with doubt,” sang Hallie, Rose, and Breezy.

“This time, baby, I'll be bulletproof. This time, baby, I'll be bulletproof. This time, baby, I'll be bulletproof. This time, baby, I'll be bulletproof.”

The six girls struck a pose as the music came to an end. The auditorium erupted with applause. Rachel jumped to her feet, clapping wildly.

Will walked up and grabbed the stage microphone. “Alright, great job girls. But we have some boys back here who think they can do better.”

As Will talked, Blaine and Brittany drug out the benches and moved them into position.

“That being said,” Will continued, “let’s give it up for the fellas of New Directions!”

All seven boys walked out in matching outfits. They were dressed in black fedoras, different colored fleece jackets, and cargo style khakis. They took their positions, with Jaxon standing on the middle bench. They bowed their heads as the music began.

“1, 2, 1, 2, 3,” Jaxon said as he jumped up on four, landing on the floor and throwing his fedora into the crowd. “Ow!”

Blaine caught Jaxon’s fedora and smiled. Kurt seemed a little jealous.

“Wake up kids, we've got the dreamers disease,” Jaxon sang. “Age fourteen, we got you down on your knees. So polite, you're busy still saying please.”

Jaxon jumped up on the middle bench , spun around and jumped to one on his right. Miles jumped from the one he was standing on, to the one in the middle.

“Frienemies, who when you're down ain't your friend,” he sang as he jumped on the floor. He slid, down onto his knees, and came to a stop a few feet away. “Every night we smash their Mercedes-Benz. First we run and then we laugh till we cry.”

Miles spun on his back and did and hand spring to get up. He took off running and jumped back up on a bench. He then jumped, changing places with James.

“But when the night is falling,” James sang as he jumped up and balanced on the back of the bench. “You cannot find the light, light. If you feel your dreams are dying, hold tight.”

James jumped up into the air, doing the splits before making a perfect landing on his feet.

“You've got the music in you,” they all sang. “Don't let go, you've got the music in you. One dance left, this world is gonna pull through. Don't give up, you've got a reason to live. Can't forget, we only get what we give.”

John jumped, leapfrogging over James, and landing smoothly landing in front of him.

“I'm coming home, baby. You're tops. Give it to me now,” Jaxon sang.

“Four a.m. we ran a miracle mile,” John sang. “We're flat broke but hey, we do it in style. The bad rich, God's flying in for your trial.”

“But when the night is falling,” Kevin sang as he jumped off the bench, giving five to John as he landed. “You cannot find a friend, friend. You feel your tree is breaking, just then.”

“You've got the music in you,” they all sang. “Don't let go, you've got the music in you. One dance left, this world is gonna pull through. Don't give up, you've got a reason to live. Can't forget, we only get what we give.”

Evan vaulted off his bench and cart wheeled to center stage. “This whole dang world can fall apart. You'll be ok, follow your heart. You’re in harms way I'm right behind. Now say you're mine.”

“You've got the music in you,” they all sang. “Don't let go, you've got the music in you. One dance left, this world is gonna pull through. Don't give up, you've got a reason to live. Can't forget, we only get what we give.”

Lucas pirouetted off his bench. “Fly hi-ii-gh. What's real can't die. You only get what you give.”

The boys pushed the benches back and lined up.

“Health insurance rip off lying,” they all began chanting as they fist pumped. “FDA big bankers buying. Fake computer crashes dining. Cloning while they're multiplying. Fashion shoots with Beck and Hanson. Courtney love and Marilyn Manson. You're all fakes, run to your mansions. Come around, We'll kick your butts, yeah!”

“Don't let go,” Lucas sang. “One dance left. Don't give up. Can't forget.”

Miles, James, Lucas, John, Evan, and Kevin all threw their fedoras into the crowd as the music ended.

The auditorium once again erupted with cheers as Will took his place at the microphone. “Alright, give it up for the guys. Right now, my friends are passing out the ballots. I wanna know who you think deserves to win.”

James looked over at Jaxon. “You were great.”

“So were you.”

“No, Jaxon. You’re amazing. You’re a star why can’t you see that?”

Declan ran up to Jaxon and gave him a hug.

“You were awesome, bro!” Declan said. “I love that song. You guys have this in the bag.”

The End

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